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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24306958">Where You'll Find Your Answers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesfromthewater/pseuds/talesfromthewater'>talesfromthewater</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Universe, F/M, What I wanted to see from season 7 and the anomaly, dealing with the past</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:07:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,399</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24306958</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesfromthewater/pseuds/talesfromthewater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Octavia's disappeared and Bellamy &amp; Clarke are determined to find her, going through the anomaly and discovering the secrets it holds.  While they're there they revisit some memories and deal with some things they weren't sure they would ever face together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Where You'll Find Your Answers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Be advised: some profanity.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sun was shining, blazing down and causing sweat under the heavy cardigan he’s wearing.  He’s sitting on the bench by the water, the same one he sat on when he was mourning Clarke’s death.  That time the darkness of the night had already fallen and he cried for the person he had chosen as family, this time the daylight sits heavy as he feels the tears coming for the person fate had chosen as his family.  This time it was for a person who hadn’t really felt like family in a long time, and yet he couldn’t help the new weight on his heart.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A light breeze swept across his cheek, he saw the ripples on the water as it did, and he felt the drop on his face slightly change direction.  He wiped the tear away as he heard someone coming.  He didn’t turn around, instead he waited until he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Can I sit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached up and put his hand over her’s, “Always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still didn’t look at her as she went around the bench and came to sit beside him.  He knew he’d been vulnerable with her before, and his mind took him back to that moment beside the tree all those years ago.  She assured him that he wasn’t a monster.  He still couldn’t believe that they’d gotten her back, that Josephine had been defeated and he’d gotten Clarke back.  He finally turned his head and looked at her, “I don’t know what to do, Clarke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, you’re going to do what you always do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to protect the people you care about and you’re going to find your sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, if this had happened a couple of days ago, I probably wouldn’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lie and you know it.” she nudged him as she smiled through her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it though?  I banished her to die, Clarke.” his anger was prominent in his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what, who cares?!  Bellamy she’s been horrible to you for years now and I’ve kept my mouth shut because she’s your sister and no matter all the shit she put you through you loved her.  I kept my mouth shut because you loved her and I l-” she stopped herself and Bellamy could see her regroup and change the words she was going to say, “and I cared about you too much to try to take that away from you.  You needed to figure it out on your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat there silently, taking in what she just said.  It was similar to what others have told him, what Echo had told him, in the past but for some reason the words hit deeper coming from Clarke.  He’d always valued what she said more than anyone else.  He kept thinking about it until she broke him from his thoughts, “Now, what are you going to do about it now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Bellamy.  Don’t bullshit me; don’t tell me that you haven’t been sitting here for hours thinking about how you can get her back.  Don’t tell me that you don’t want to because even when you say you don’t care - it’s not who you are.  You don’t turn your back on people, to this extent anyway.  So what’s your plan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she seemed pretty instrumental in getting me back into my body, so I’m going after her.  I’m going into the anomaly and I’m going to find her.” with that, she got up and left walking toward the main building where he knew the rest of their friends were.  He stayed there for a little while longer replaying their entire conversation in his head-every time coming back to one specific moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke opened the door to the main hall of Sanctum, looking at all the faces she saw in there.  They all still looked at her a little uneasy and she couldn’t tell if it was because she was Clarke Griffin the traitor they thought she was or if it was because she was Clarke Griffin the one who beat a body snatcher; either way she felt like she was walking barefoot on glass.  She finally found the person she was looking for and sat down beside him with a loud thump, “I need you to tell me everything you know about the anomaly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Essentially-how to get in it and then return.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched as his eyes widened at what she said, “I’ve only seen one person come back out after going in, and she almost died after.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I have to go get that same person, so tell me how to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to say exactly how the anomaly works, I’ve never been in it.  There are stories, there are legends, and then there is Octavia that defied everything I’d ever been told about the damn thing.  I don’t really know how to help you, Clarke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When do you plan on going in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As soon as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, contemplating this for a minute and looking around the room.  He was looking for someone, she couldn’t figure out who, maybe Madi to make sure she didn’t hear their conversation.  She watched as his eyes stopped moving and followed them to the person they landed on, Raven.  Raven must have felt the two sets of eyes on her as she looked up from what she was doing and Gabriel waved her over.  She rolled her eyes and limped her way over to the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Raven, we need your help with something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Clarke could tell that the moment they shared over the loss of Abby was just that, a moment and that Raven was still unsure about trusting her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going into the anomaly to get Octavia back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I need your help to figure out as much as we can about it as fast as we can.  I’m told that you’re the best one to help.”  Gabriel added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raven looked back and forth between Clarke and Gabriel, “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys go, I have to finish up what I was doing, I’ll meet you at Gabriel’s.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, please hurry, Raven.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Raven went back to the table she was sitting at with Echo and Emori while Clarke and Gabriel got up and left where they were sitting, “I’m going to find Madi, and I’ll meet you out by the steps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She found Madi sitting with Jordan in one of the school rooms, she pulled her away for a minute and explained that she was going to Gabriel’s tent to learn more about the anomaly so they could figure out how to help Octavia.  She didn’t tell her the plan went further than that - she didn’t need Madi to worry about her again.  Not after everything that just happened with Josephine and the primes and her mom.  She gave Jordan strict orders to keep Madi safe and the look in her eyes was more menacing than the words coming from her mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was on her way to meet Gabriel when she heard Echo yelling, the girl’s voice like nails on a chalkboard to her, “Absolutely not, Bellamy!”  it was clear she walked into the middle of a conversation.  She quickly ducked down out of sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Echo, it’s not your choice.  It’s mine and I’ve made it.” Bellamy was keeping his tone calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what part of ‘it’s happening and you can’t do anything about it’ you don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The part where it’s insane and you’re going to get yourself killed!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I DON’T CARE!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not, because it’s her.” Echo’s tone was tight and Clarke imagined Bellamy recoiling as if Echo had slapped him, she might as well have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m done here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly what you think, Echo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, she’s always been first in your books.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s my sister, Echo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?  When the hell has she ever acted like it?  She’s a parasite, Bellamy.  All she ever does is hurt the people she’s supposed to love - she’s just like Clarke.” Clarke flinched at that, she imagined Bellamy did too, “I guess it does make sense that you want to save her.  You wanted to save Clarke and she left you to die.” Echo’s voice and evened out and it was menacing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what...I’m going to find my sister and I’m going to save her, the same way I saved Clarke.  You can accept it or that’s it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, Bellamy.  Don’t expect me to be waiting here when you get back, if you come back, from your death mission.  I love you, Bellamy, and I’m asking you not to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The very fact that you’re asking me not to, proves that you don’t care about me at all.  Goodbye, Echo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke listened as there were footsteps on the ground, she peaked out from where she was, embarrassed that she heard the exchange between the two.  She ducked behind some of the buildings instead of taking her original path so she could avoid Bellamy; only to find Bellamy standing with Gabriel at the top of the steps.  He must have seen her confusion, “You didn’t think I’d let you do this alone did you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t play dumb, Clarke.  Raven told Echo your plan, Echo told me and I told her I was going with you.  She didn’t take it well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Clarke said, trying to keep her composure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, if she doesn’t understand the fact that I want to save my sister, then I think it’s time for me to rethink my stance on our relationship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke could tell Bellamy was putting on a brave face, but really he was hurt.  He cared for Echo, probably even loved her-even though the thought made Clarke nauseous-and this couldn’t be easy on him.  Regardless he was going with her and they had a lot of work to do.  They took the dirt bikes and got to Gabriel’s tent quickly and got to work with anything and everything he had about the anomaly.  Raven got there not long after them and the four of them sat in a semi-comfortable silence as they read and read.  At one point Clarke heard Bellamy sniffle and saw him quickly wipe his face, she reached over and squeezed his hand.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The days went by and their knowledge of the giant green fog they were about to head into - still not really having any idea about what they would face when they got in there.  They set their plan and at sun up they would be gone.  Gabriel and Raven were still uneasy about this and voiced their feelings many times but nothing was going to change Clarke or Bellamy’s mind.      </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bellamy and Raven sat outside the tent by the fire after they’d had something to eat, “You better be careful, Blake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Raven, if I don’t make it, which is a very real possibility, I need you to be the one that takes charge.  I need to know that our people will be taken care of and I know that will happen if they have you.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, first of all don’t talk like that.  Second of all, you better come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t be sure that I will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but just know that I care about you.  I couldn’t have gotten through those six years without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know the feeling is mutual.  I wouldn’t have made it past the first night if it wasn’t for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, you know I love you like family and if I didn’t I wouldn’t say this to you because she’s my friend too, but what the hell are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, your feelings for Clarke have always been clear to everyone but the two of you-it’s not fair to Echo and you need to either get over it and give Echo 100% or you need to end things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure where Echo and I stand right now, Raven.  She tried to talk me out of going because I’m going with Clarke and because I’m going for Octavia.  She doesn’t understand why I’d risk my life for Octavia after everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because at the end of the day she’s still my sister.  I don’t have to like her, but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try regardless of how messed up our relationship is.  It almost tore me apart when I banished her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is Clarke going?” Bellamy saw Raven’s eyebrows rise in question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She feels like she owes Octavia, because Octavia helped get her back when Josephine took over her body.  She told me a couple days ago that she knew I would do something to try to get her back, no matter where Octavia and I stood with each other Clarke knew I would have to help her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind to me.” Raven patted his knee as she stood up and walked into the tent where she clearly interrupted a conversation between Clarke and Gabriel.  She just went over to her cot and laid down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The morning came quickly, Clarke and Bellamy gathered their things and Gabriel and Raven watched as they stepped up to the green fog.  Clarke looked over at Bellamy and thought of all the different times they’d walked into danger staring it in the face, never knowing how things would end.  She took a deep breath as he nodded at her signalling that it was time, she grabbed his hand and in they went.     </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing Clarke felt was the burning, she felt like her entire body had been ignited and was burning her alive from the inside out.  The next thing she felt was the ringing in her ears which after a couple seconds she found to be the screams from Bellamy.  Was she screaming too?  She couldn’t tell.  Then they hit the ground with a hard thud.  Clarke rolled a couple times before she stopped face down in grass, Bellamy rolled and went hurtling down a hill.  Clarke made her way down to him where he was also face down.  She shook him gently and called his name quietly until he stirred where he lay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” he mumbled as he rolled over and looked up at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, it spit us out here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.  Maybe this is where Octavia is though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke just shrugged, the first priority she knew had to be figuring out where they were.  She helped Bellamy up and they decided on a direction to head first.  They walked for miles and hours until they heard voices in the distance and a quick glance to each other before they took off running towards where it was coming from.  They ran until the voices were loud and Clarke stopped dead in her tracks leaving Bellamy to almost run her over as he attempted to stop just as quick.  It took him a second but he realized why she halted the way that she did.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“that means we are GROUNDERS!” it was Bellamy’s booming voice they heard.  All the delinquents rallied around him hanging on every word.  Clarke saw the dropship in the distance and remembered the day that they were currently standing in, watching from the outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is this possible?” Bellamy looked at her, his eyes full of questions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.  Octavia would be here, but Octavia from that time not our current Octavia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she might be watching from the outside like we are.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to find somewhere safe for the night, there are actually grounders here, and we’re not safe if we don’t.  Come on, I know where we can go.  It’s getting dark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy followed Clarke to the bunker knowing this is where she used to go when she needed to just get away from it all.  He wished she had something like this now, a safe space to land when the days got to be too much.  She started pulling blankets off the cot, before laying down on the floor motioning for him to take the bed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a chance, Princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped dead in her movements.  How long had it been since he called her that?  Damn, she didn’t realize how much she missed it until right here in this moment.  She must have looked like a dear in the headlights because he spoke again, “Come on, Clarke, it’s big enough for the two of us.  I’ll face away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy really it’s fine.  You took a harder fall than I did today, you should sleep comfortably.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t sleep at all knowing you’re sleeping on the floor.  Get in the damn bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did as she was told and slipped in the bed beside him, uncomfortable being so close to him in this environment.  She heard his breathing even out and knew that he was already asleep and she followed along quickly.  She slept through the night, which was unusual for her, and woke up with her face in Bellamy’s back.  Her arm was tight around his waist, his hands holding it there and their legs entwined together.  She tried to pull her arm away but he only held her there tighter and eventually she fell back to sleep.  The next time she woke he was out of bed and getting the bags ready for their day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them mentioned it, she wasn’t even sure he knew that she had been holding him the way that she was but she was sure that it was a memory that she would hold forever.  They headed out into the day to search for Octavia only to come up empty.  She wasn’t here.  They decided to head back to where the anomaly was on Earth, Clarke took a few minutes before they went back in to revel in the beauty that the planet once held.  She also wondered how she lived there for as long as she did, exploring as far and as wide as she did and never found the anomaly before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They went through the anomaly again and again and again, each time coming up empty in a different time period-sometimes in a different world maybe.  They ended up in places they had never seen before, they could have been somewhere on Earth in a place that they never got the chance to explore or they could have been on a different planet entirely.  Some of them were hard on Bellamy, Clarke wondered if her nightblood helped her there as it was the only explanation as to why it bothered him and not her, and she wished she could do something.  They didn’t stay in those places very long, and they never said it but they knew that Bellamy would have died if they’d stayed and there was no way Octavia would have survived if this is where she was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On their seventh time through the fog the burning was getting more bearable, the screams weren’t as loud, but their holds on each other’s hands were tighter with each time than the last.  They ended up on the edge of a cliff, neither of them recognized where they were but they heard noises in the distance so they ran into the trees.  They heard the faint sounds of horses and yelling getting louder as it approached.  They watched as Octavia and Helios emerged followed by Echo and two other Azgeda warriors.  Octavia dismounted and sent Helios away as Echo yelled, “Roan wants you alive!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy could see Octavia say something but couldn’t hear what it was, and things escalated from there until it was just Echo and Octavia fighting.  Bellamy was whimpering beside Clarke, and she wasn’t sure if they could interact with people or if they were just observers, but she wasn’t sure she was willing to take the chance.  She knew what was going to happen and so did Bellamy, so she went behind him and extended one of her hands to him to hold while her other gently covered his mouth to muffle the sounds he was making. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They watched as Octavia ended up on the ground, Echo had the chance to subdue her and take her.  Echo was a good fighter, she could have tied Octavia’s hands from her vantage point, but instead she let Octavia get up and Bellamy watched in horror as she shoved her sword through Octavia’s stomach and yanked it from her flesh violently.  Clarke felt Bellamy sobbing as he squeezed her hand tighter and she dropped bringing her arm and the hand he was holding down into a hug holding him as tight as she could.  She watched as Octavia stumbled and she knew what was coming, so she moved to stand in front of Bellamy blocking his view as she turned her head and watched Octavia fall off the cliff.  Pulling Bellamy into her as it happened letting his screams be muffled by her shoulder as she held him tight.  She was sure they weren’t muffled enough, so she was believing that they were merely observers to events of the past.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did the anomaly dump us out here?  We’re not even close to where it is in this world.” Bellamy’s voice was broken by the sobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Bellamy.  I wish I did.  Sometimes we end up right where it starts and other times it dumps us somewhere and we have to find our way back to it.  I’m trying to understand it but I don’t.” she still held him tightly, running her hand up and down his back as one held the back of his neck.  She kissed the top of his head, trying anything she could think of to comfort him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know she survives, largely because of you Clarke, but there’s just something about watching the girl you’re in a relationship with think she murdered the one person she knew to be the most important person in your life.  She told me it was a good death.  She told me on the ring when we were hashing out our issues that she didn’t have a choice.” his sobs got more violent as he spoke, “But you know what?  To me it looked like she had a choice.  I don’t know what to think anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just held him until his sobs wore him out and kissed his head again.  He fell asleep and she went out to look over the edge of the cliff, marvelling in the fact that Octavia survived that fall with a stab wound to the gut.  As awful as Earth had been to them, to her, she sure did miss it.  It was the place that she felt most at home.  The place that she found her true family, even if they would eventually turn their backs on her.  She wished she could go back to this time permanently and live in it safely.  She wished that the ones she loved could have spent those six years with her not in space or underground.  Monty once told her that Jasper said, “for all it’s faults Earth sure was beautiful.” and he was right.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought back to all the days that she spent alone on Earth as it was soaked in radiation.  All the nights that she wished her family, her Bellamy, would return to her.  All the days and nights she radioed him specifically praying to the highest power that he would hear her and answer back.  But it never happened.  They’d gotten comfortable enough sleeping next to each other that she tucked herself in beside him and went to sleep.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Clarke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about this day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just before we went through the anomaly the last time, I was thinking about Echo and everything that had happened with her and Octavia and I was thinking about this day.  How Octavia described it compared to how Echo did.  I didn’t even remember until I had a dream about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what if, our last thought before we go through is where we end up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How does that make sense though, we’ve ended up in weird places before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke sat there for a minute pondering it.  Her eyes went wide as they lit up and she snapped her fingers, “I thought about the dropship!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we first went into the anomaly I was thinking about everything you and I had done together and I remembered that day at the dropship and then that’s where we ended up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But how does that explain the other random places?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I was thinking about how Earth was so large and that there had to be places that would have been cool to see but we never got the chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, “I thought of Monty and what he said about the other planets in the Eligius files.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So we control where we go based on what we think about when we go in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke was nodding in agreement as they got up and headed for the green, “We need to start thinking of where Octavia would go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time and time again they tried to think like Octavia, and every time they came up empty.  Clarke’s body was in pain from the amount of time they’d been flung through time and space looking for her friend, but it was worth it having Bellamy by her side.  They ended up as observers to parts of their lives they wished they could forget.  This time, after Clarke had a sleep riddled with nightmares she was in a particularly bad mood, and as they stepped into the anomaly she thought back to the worst day of her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> This time they ended up in a dessert.  It didn’t take Clarke more than a second to know exactly where and when in time they were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  No, no, no, no, no.  Not here.  Bellamy we have to go.” she was pulling him away from the dunes, “how is it even possible, the anomaly is no where near here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarke, what are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy we can’t be here.  You, can’t be here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just trust me, we have to go.  I didn’t meant to think of this.  Please, let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“AHHHHHHHHHHH.  I’M DONE!” Bellamy looked around and ran up the dune, looking over and down his eyes immediately landing on Clarke from this time period.  She was kneeling in the sand, “I’ve lost everything!” she was shouting at the top of her lungs and the Clarke laying in the sand beside Bellamy had her hands over her ears and was whimpering trying to drown out the sound of her own voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy watched as Clarke from then continued, “I lost my friends!  My father, my mother.” the words came in broken screams as she went through her list of loss, “I’ve got nothing left.”  Bellamy continued to watch with a broken heart as she sobbed for a few minutes.  She was kneeling there in the sand crying, and then he watched her compose herself as if overcome with a thought.  He watched her sit up, pull her gun out of the holster on her leg and hold it to her head.  She felt him suck in a breath beside her, holding it.  Then he watched as she lowered it after she saw the bird.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke from now got up and started running.  She was running away from Bellamy, running away from that memory, running away from those feelings.  She heard him yelling her name as he chased after her across the dessert.  He finally caught up to her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back spinning her as he did and into his arms.  She couldn’t move, paralyzed in her own thoughts as she felt Bellamy holding her and soothing her.  She felt numb.  Reliving the worst day of her life with the one person she never wanted to see her at that low. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled back, and held her arms at an arms length away from him, looking right into her eyes, “How come you never told me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was blank.  There was nothing there.  He shook her gently until she snapped out of it and looked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How come you never told me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told you what, Bellamy?  That I put a gun to my head and if I didn’t see that bird then I was ready to pull the trigger?  Tell you that even though I found that bird I still thought about doing it even after?  You heard what I said.  I lost everything.  I had nothing left to live for.  I didn’t know if you were alive, I didn’t know if my mom was alive.  The only two people I had left to live for I didn’t know if they were even alive to live for anyway.  So why not?  The only thing that got me through was that damn radio.  The one that I called you on every damn day for six years and seven days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could have answered you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish you could have too.  I missed you so much.  I still do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Bellamy.  You’re different than you were then.  I miss the you from then.  I miss the guy who wouldn’t let me pull that lever in Mount Weather on my own.  I miss the guy that told me cold sweat was an oxymoron, I miss the guy …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, fuck it </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thought, “I miss the guy I was in love with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy’s jaw dropped.  He was clearly speechless and didn’t know what to say so she continued, “Honestly, part of me is happy that you never heard those calls on the radio.  I admitted it on there too.  I also talked about my darkest thoughts-ones similar to the ones you saw today.  You were fine up there, Bellamy.  You didn’t need me anymore.  You thought I was dead, you dealt with that and found happiness.   I shouldn’t have been radioing you, especially when there was a chance we would never see each other again.  There was always the possibility that you would never be able to get back to the ground.  It wasn’t fair of me to try to get you to live with a ghost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarke…” his voice was broken. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Bellamy.  I’m serious.  I didn’t think of how hearing me could have affected you up there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It probably would have saved me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wiped a tear off her cheek, “Come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They made it back to the anomaly and this time he thought of a place and they ended up on the ring.  She didn’t know how that was possible as it didn’t have the anomaly there until this very moment when it showed up in one of the airlocks, but here they were.  He took her hand and guided her through the familiar hallways.  She knew where she was, they were in the jail block and they were heading for her cell.  She was just here in the mindspace with Josephine, it was surreal being back in whatever form this was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were loud cries coming from the cell, as they came to the open door.  Bellamy lay on her old cot, sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This was how I spent almost every day for the first six months we were up here.  Raven tried to get through to me but nothing worked.  After that I could come in here without sobbing like this but I would just sit in here for hours looking at the drawings you did wondering why you would sacrifice yourself the way you did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then you found happiness with Echo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He huffed out a laugh, “Not exactly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just looked at him, as she stepped into her old cell looking around at the drawings.  They were different than the ones that were in the mindspace.  Of course, when she was here she didn’t know Bellamy or Lexa or Monty or Jasper or Raven or Octavia or any of the delinquents that had been drawn on the walls of her mindspace cell.  He could tell she was waiting for him to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Echo and I worked out our differences about three years after being up here.  It wasn’t until near the end of the fifth year that I kind of expected we would never be able to get back to the ground.  One night we got really drunk, Monty figured out a way to make moonshine up there-I’m not even sure it was safe, and it just happened.  After that it seemed logical to just go with it because we were up there and it was a small group of us.  Eventually we came to care for each other and I was sure nothing would change when we did manage to get back to the ground.  I was wrong.  I found you, and Octavia in all of her Red Queen glory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re still together, you obviously love her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I came to care for her in a way before we were together.  We had talked through everything and I came to see her as a friend.  She knew what I couldn’t admit to myself or even if I did I couldn’t say it out loud because that would make everything that more painful.  She knew I was in love with you.  That I had been for a long time and even when we got together she knew she always came second to you.  Again, not that I ever said that, I’m not that much of a dick, but she knew.  I’d have eventually told you had you made it up here with us.  I guess in some sick and twisted roundabout way I got to tell you up here, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just stared at him as he continued to tell her about his days up here and then, “I don’t know where we stand right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me and Echo.  We didn’t leave things on the best of terms before this adventure of ours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Bellamy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not, she didn’t understand why I had to come.  She didn’t think I should care about O anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you think when you found me on Earth after all that time of thinking I was dead?” she felt brave, so she asked the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly?  I thought I was dreaming.  I thought it couldn’t be real, that it was a sick joke played by a kid that you once knew.  How could you have survived over six years on a radiation soaked planet by yourself?  And then I thought, you came back to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She again felt him wipe a tear off her cheek, she hadn’t even realized she was crying.  He pulled her out of the cell and back towards the green.  It was time to go.  It was time to find his sister, time to deal with all the repressed feelings he has for the girl on this adventure with him, time to deal with his feelings for Echo and figure out what he wanted when they got back.  Clarke gave her head a quick shake, clearing her mind for a fraction of a second before stepping back through the anomaly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time they ended up in Ryker’s workshop.  Clarke wasn’t sure how they’d gotten there, she wasn’t sure she even knew Ryker.  Bellamy’s thoughts must have brought them here.  She looked around the workshop and spotted Echo, tied securely to a chair and Ryker standing over by his bench.  She wondered if any of their other friends were there but came up empty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This must be when Echo was trying to kill the Primes.  She told me about getting caught up with Ryker, but not much else.” Bellamy leaned  over and whispered to Clarke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you whispering?  They can’t hear us?” she whispered back, clearly trying to lighten the mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smirked at her, “I don’t know, just seemed like the right thing to do.” he nudged her arm with his elbow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me tell you what happened to me.” Echo’s voice broke Clarke and Bellamy out of their trance, and Bellamy’s head whipped up at the words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke could see him visibly tense and tentatively put her hand on his arm.  They watched as Ryker looked annoyed but also intrigued by what Echo had said, and then they heard her speak again, “Something I’ve never told anyone else.”  Clarke saw Bellamy’s eyes widen and moved her hand down his arm to link their fingers together and gave his hand a comforting squeeze.  She looked up at him, nervously; a tender light in her eyes.  He glanced at her briefly and took comfort in that gentle look while they listened to Echo continue.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Echo continued, sharing the story of Echo and Ash from back when they were part of the Ice Nation.  Echo was meant to be a spy, meant to infiltrate Sangedakru after learning their language and way of life, meant to kill for Queen Nia.  Nia had found her and her friend Ash in the woods one day, Echo shooting arrows at a target on a tree hitting bullseye or close to it with every shot.  She wanted Echo to prove that she was ready to kill for her clan, kill a spy that she had brought with her.  She cut the wrist restraints off the spy and told him to run.  It was simple; kill the spy and prove she was ready for this mission.  He gets away, the mission is over and Echo would go back to being a nobody. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The spy ran but he didn’t get far before he tripped and fell to the ground.  Echo raised the bow, Queen Nia yelling about hesitation behind her.  The spy got to his feet and started running again when the arrow flew from the bow and hit the tree, perfect head level beside the spy and he stared at it wide-eyed before he continued to run.  Queen Nia was clearly angry at the weakness that was displayed before her as she took a bow from one of her guards and let the arrow fly to pierce the neck of the spy.  They watched as he fell to the ground, life leaving his body quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since I can’t send an assassin who’s afraid to kill, I’ll give you one last chance.  Kill her.” she said as her stare was stuck on Ash.  She continued to pull a knife from the holder on her waist and throw it with precision to stick out of the ground.  Nia then gave her guards an order to kill both the girls if Echo didn’t take the knife and kill Ash in three seconds.  She grabbed the knife, lunging at her friend and slicing her arm; she wasn’t sure if it just went through the jacket sleeve or actually through her skin but she kept lunging.  “Fight back, she’ll see that we’re both useful” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two young girls continued fighting, finally Echo had Ash pinned to the ground and backhanded her across the face before raising her arms above her head with the knife ready to plunge through Ash’s heart, “I’m sorry.” she sighed so Nia couldn’t hear her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s when she felt the pain in her stomach and heard the words, “I’m sorry too.” and she realized that Ash had shoved and arrow through her stomach. Ash continued to push the arrow deeper, as Echo started coughing up blood and it was dripping down onto Ash’s face and even into her mouth.  The guard lowered the loaded bow he had pointed at the girls and Echo fell off Ash.  Ash sat up, crying as Nia circled her like a vulture before stopping.  The guard went over to Echo’s body, confirming she was dead and said, “Sangedakru is expecting a girl named Echo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nia looked on, thoughtful for a moment staring right through Ash where she was still crying softly.  Her tone came harsh and sharp through gritted teeth, “Congratulations, Echo.  Don’t let me down.”   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was young, I had a friend that trained to be a spy.  She was meant to infiltrate another clan, meant to kill for her Queen.  She had learned their way of life and their language in order to complete her mission.  One day we were in the woods, shooting arrows at a target on the trees when Queen Nia found us.  She looked at my friend and told her it didn’t matter how good of a shot she was if she couldn’t hit it when it counts.  That’s when one of her guards stepped forward shoving someone with their head covered and their wrists bound.  Nia told her that it was simple; she had to prove she was ready to kill and to do that she had to kill the Sangedakru spy in front of them.  The guard cut the bounds from his wrist and told him to run.  My friend was nervous, I could tell by the look on her face but she loaded the bow and aimed the shot.  Queen Nia was yelling something about hesitation in the background as she let the arrow go.  It hit a tree at head level of the spy but it was a foot off from where his head was.  Queen Nia was angry, so she finished the job herself.” Echo took a breath and looked over at Ryker who was listening intently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She looked at us both, and told my friend she had one more chance to prove herself.  She had to kill me and we both watched as she threw a knife in the ground.  My friend had three seconds to grab it and kill me or the guard was to kill both of us.  Queen Nia started counting as the guard lifted his bow, my friend lunged for the knife and swiped at me.  She kept hitting me, but also telling me to fight back so that the Queen could see that we were both valuable to her.  I fought back a little bit but eventually she got me pinned to the ground and was straddling me.  She smacked me across the face with the back of her hand and then raised her arms over her head wielding the knife and ready to plunge it into my chest.  I figured I was done for when I felt something smooth under my hand, and I realized it was an arrow.  She apologized to me before she was about to bring her arms down, until she started coughing up blood and I was apologizing to her.” Echo’s voice broke there and Clarke looked at Bellamy who’s face was stone cold but his eyes were showing pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The blood she was coughing up came quicker as I pushed it deeper into her stomach.  It fell out of her mouth onto my face and even into my mouth but I couldn’t stop pushing the arrow.  She was going to kill me, so I had to kill her.  She finally fell off me, Nia and her guard circled where I sat crying, before he went over and confirmed she was dead.  Then he spoke, ‘Sangedakru is expecting a girl named Echo’.  In that moment Nia looked right through me and through gritted teeth said: ‘Congratulations Echo.  Don’t let me down’.  I just sat there crying softly realizing what it all meant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke took this pause to again look at Bellamy.  The pain was gone from his eyes, turned from concern and care for the girl he loved to a dark intensity she’d never seen from him before.  It was in that moment that she knew what Echo said was true; this was a story she’d never told anyone before.  Not even Bellamy.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I took her name in that moment, in that moment it wasn’t Echo that died; it was Ash.  I kept her name as a way to honour her.  She was my best friend.  I felt as though it would be right to honour her by following in her footsteps.  Becoming a spy, serving Queen Nia with the dedication that she would have, becoming Echo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy pulled away from Clarke and burst through the doors of the workshop, heading back to the anomaly.  He didn’t even wait for Clarke before he went back through it.  She stood there for a minute as she realized that he just left without her.  She had no idea where he was going, well she had a couple ideas but she could just end up on a wild goose chase.  She stood there for a minute, considering her options before eventually stepping into the anomaly and stepping back out of it into to the darkness of night.  She was standing over a dead body and looking over herself and Bellamy sitting beside a tree just talking.  She needed the Now Bellamy though, and she looked around before spotting him sitting on a hill just on the other side of the clearing.  She made her way over, just as Then Bellamy was telling her that they two of them should just leave.  She huffed a laugh, they really should have just screwed everyone just gone.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached Bellamy and sat down beside him, the grass was a little damp and it made her shiver.  She didn’t say anything, didn’t want to push him too far too fast; so she just sat there.  She lost track of how long they sat there, watching their former selves also just sitting there against a tree.  This was one of her favourite memories; the first time she truly saw Bellamy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know?” his voice broke her from her own thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know where I’d go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There were a couple different options I had, I knew that you’d go somewhere I could find you.  I had three different memories I thought it might be, but this one was the one I thought of first.  I guess I was right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I should have waited for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me, I understand.” she put her arm around his shoulder, shuffling her butt closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I left you behind, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but this time I could get back to you.” she rested her head against his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarke, what do you do when you find out you know nothing about the person you’re in a relationship with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t give you any advice on that.  I’ve never been in that situation.  So my instincts were right?  I mean I could guess as much on your actions and your expressions, but …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, I didn’t know that about her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but how?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your guess is as good as mine.  I guess she felt it necessary to tell a complete stranger rather than the person she’s supposed to love.  No wonder she didn’t understand why it was so important for me to find Octavia, she’s never given a shit about anyone but herself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, come on, you know she cares about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To an extent, sure.  Not enough to tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she didn’t think you’d react well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s no excuse, Clarke.  We’re supposed to tell each other the big shit.  That’s how healthy relationships work.  Especially with a relationship like ours, because you may have forgotten but I hated her.  You’d think that not keeping secrets of this magnitude would be a given.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just playing Devil’s advocate here, Bellamy.  Trying to see both sides.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well she clearly is the Devil.  I don’t even know who she is but I know for sure she’s got to be a devil reincarnate at the very least.  How do I get past that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you don’t.  Maybe you tell her what you learned and that you think you should both move on, especially with how you said that the two of you left things.  Is that what you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped talking, thinking about what she said, ignoring her advice before saying, “Do you know why I came here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s a special memory for both of us.  You knew I’d be able to find you here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled one side of his mouth up in a small smile, “Do you know why it’s a special memory for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head when he said, “It was the first time that I truly felt like someone outside of my family actually cared about me.  The first time in my life someone thought that I was someone worth saving, someone worth having around.” he wiped a tear from his cheek.  Damn they’d both been crying a lot on this journey.  “It was the day I wanted to run away with you.  It was the day I started loving you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat there with her mouth slightly agape at what he said.  Her heart broke at the thought of him being so broken that he never felt like he was worth anything to anyone other than his mom and his sister.  It broke even more when she realized that the same sister made him also feel worthless.  She wished there were more words, more comforting things she could do for him without crossing a line.  She wanted nothing more than to wrap him in her arms and kiss every part of his body she could to make him feel loved.  But he was still with Echo, no he was still with Ash, and she wasn’t going to be that person.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you in one of the other memories we’ve visited that I was in love with you.  That whole process started right here.  Not that I fell in love with you this day, but it’s the day I started loving you.  The day that I realized I wanted you in my life.  After that falling in love with you happened in the little moments.  Until the day I was going to tell you and instead I left you behind to die.  I didn’t deserve you after that.  I still don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, you deserve every ounce of happiness.  I don’t want you to ever think that you don’t.  You’re one of the best people I know, Bellamy Blake.  I don’t care what anyone says; I told you one day that Octavia would come around and see how special you are.  You are special.  We’ve both done things that we regret when it comes to each other.  We’ve moved past that.  You deserve to be happy, and no matter what I will ensure that you are.  That’s my promise to you.” She stole a glance at him and squeezed his shoulder as she felt his head come to rest on hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This was one of my favourite days here, Bellamy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mine too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next couple trips through the anomaly were quick, there was still no sign of Octavia.  They checked the memories that she held that seemed the most important to her.  Bellamy had the hardest time watching his sister witness Lincoln be shot.  His heart broke as he experienced the moment that changed her, with her.  The moment that she blamed him for the most.  It was that moment that turned Octavia into the ripper that she became.  It was that moment that fuelled her blood lust; most likely leading to a lot of the Red Queen persona.  It was the moment he lost her first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Bellamy, I have an idea.” Clarke tugged at his arm and away from the scene of Lincoln lying in a puddle of rain and blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped through the anomaly and they were back on the ark before they decided to send children to the ground.  He looked at her confused, but followed her as she made her way through the lockup.  They came to one of the cells and Clarke motioned for Bellamy to enter and followed behind him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Took you guys long enough.” Octavia said, a hint of humoured annoyance in her voice.  It was her cell they were in, “The drop ship just left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy just rushed over to his sister and pulled her into a hug.  She hugged him back, tightly tears were pouring down her cheeks.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O, I’m so sorry.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bell, stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke watched them embracing, smiling that they had finally found Octavia.  When the siblings broke their hug, she made her way over to the girl and pulled her into another hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for helping Bellamy get me my body back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming through the anomaly to find me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spent the next couple minutes just being with each other before the green fog appeared again and Octavia grabbed their hands bringing them through it.  That was the last thing either of them remembered.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy woke first, looking around and recognizing Gabriel’s tent.  He saw Clarke still asleep on the cot and he was instantly brought back to after he got her back in her body and got Josephine out of it.  He sat up in his cot, Octavia came over and sat beside him bringing him some water.  He was groggy, his head was throbbing and he was dizzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drink the water, Bell.  It helps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the last thing you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finding you in your cell on the ark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Octavia nodded, “That’s the Seeing Chamber.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They call it the Seeing Chamber, it’s why the anomaly can show up anywhere you imagine it, bringing you to the places you think about at your own will.  They use it to get to know people, know their weaknesses, their strengths; how to use them best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Clarke and I were together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had you hooked up to the same chamber.  It means you always travel together, even when you don’t leave together, you’ll end up in the same space eventually because you’re tethered to the other person.  You could still go to your own places but you’ll eventually find your way back.  Once I found out you were there and that they had you in there, I got Hope to wire me into your chamber so you’d find me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So none of that was real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was real in the sense that you’ll remember it, but it happened in your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Clarke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same thing, she’ll remember, but it didn’t happen outside the mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But how did I see things that weren’t my memories?  Like I ended up seeing a conversation between Echo and Ryker…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t have to be your memories for you to observe them.  I’m not entirely sure how they’ve worked it, but I think it has something to do with the anomaly stone.  While you’re in the Chamber you are essentially time traveling but in an observer capacity.  You can’t change the timeline but you can see things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you time travel in the anomaly outside of the chamber?” he asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Certain people can, I was never shown how to or given permission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what happened to you this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hope wanted me to help her rescue Diyoza.  She stabbed me and I was sent back into the anomaly.  Diyoza was trapped in the hospital by the Master, she was weak and he had her in the Fear Chamber.  Basically it’s the same thing that you were in, but instead of you controlling what you see with your memories, you see your worst fears.  You live your worst fears.  It weakens your mind and eventually it causes your body to shut down to end the agony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did we end up in places we’d never been before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Odds are they were places that you’d heard of and never experienced.  Something triggered the thought and it put you there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy nodded, taking in what his sister was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you get Diyoza back for Hope?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Octavia just nodded.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we remember anything after the Chamber?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were both still heavily sedated from the drugs that they pump into your system while they have you ‘plugged in’ - I’m not surprised you don’t remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He studied her for a minute, “What aren’t you telling me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffed out the breath that she was holding, “I’m going back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!  No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I made a deal.  Me for Diyoza.  I’m valuable as a guard to them.  They knew I’d just leave again, I cut a deal to give Hope her mom back.  But don’t worry, I can still come visit.  I have to stay as a guard for them, but I get to leave too.  I’m just tied with the stone.  If I don’t return in time they can kill me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“O…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bell, it’s okay.  This is what I want.  I’ll still get to see you, if you want me to come and see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to go.  I just got you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, when you told me that I wasn’t your responsibility anymore, I realized that you were right.  I’m not.  You deserve to live your life the way you want to live it, not having to care for me anymore.  I’m old enough to make my own decisions and I need to do something good, something to atone for all the terrible things I’ve done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant it at the time, but I’ll always care for you.  You’re my sister, and I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at that, “I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long.  I’m sorry for everything.  You’re the best brother I could have asked for.  I wish I’d realized that sooner.  You didn’t deserve the shit that I held you responsible for or held against you for all that time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave him a hug, “I have to go.  I’ll be back when I can,” she kissed his cheek, “There’s a letter on the table for Clarke.  Can you make sure she gets it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” he pulled her into another hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming to get me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always, it’s what brothers do.” he kissed the top of her head and she pulled away and walked out of the tent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke woke the next day, Bellamy explained everything that happened with Octavia.  She didn’t remember much more than Bellamy did from after the Chamber but did remember having some of her blood taken.  She wasn’t sure why, but she made a mental note to ask Octavia when she came back.  She was sad she didn’t get to talk to O before she had to go back but was hopeful her friend would return soon.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t talk about anything they experienced in the Chamber, it sat between them causing an awkward silence whenever Gabriel wasn’t around.  Bellamy gave Clarke the letter from Octavia and she tucked it under her pillow to read when she was alone.  She knew that Bellamy likely wasn’t ready to tell everyone that they were back, but she had to say something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you have to go back eventually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and slightly rolled his eyes, “I know.  I just don’t know what to say to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say what’s on your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not going to like what’s on my mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s what’s best for you.  That’s what matters.” She put her hand on his shoulder and went outside to help Gabriel prepare dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy left after they ate, Clarke stayed with Gabriel and read her letter before she went to bed that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Clarke, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to see you and thank you before I had to go back.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>First, I want to say thank you for risking your life walking into the unknown to come for me.  I know I haven’t always been the easiest person to deal with.  I blamed you for almost as much shit as I blamed Bellamy for and that wasn’t fair to you.  You were always the strongest of us all, making the hard decisions that none of us could ever make.  I  mean look what decisions I made when I was put in charge.  You were the leader we needed, so thank you for always being that person, I know the burden you must have felt and I’m sorry that it took me so long to see that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Second, I need you to finally realize how much Bellamy loves you.  I’ve seen it first hand too many times.  I’ve also seen how much you love him.  Stop being stupid, tell him how you feel.  And before you give me some ‘he’s with Echo’ line, I obviously know that.  You don’t have to tell him you’re in love with him (which yes, I know you are) just make sure he knows that you love him.  He needs you, probably more than you realize.  You’re the only person I’ve seen him care about more than he cares about me.  Watching him fight Josephine to get her out of your body made everything even more obvious.  He may still be with Echo, but I know my brother.  He loves you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Third, say hi to Madi for me.  Tell her I wish I had been the role model to her that she deserved.  You told her all these great stories about me and I turned out to be a completely different person.  I can only imagine her disappointment.  Tell her I want to spend more time with her when I come back.  I consider you guys family, even if the feeling isn’t mutual.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lastly, I’m not sure how much you remember from your time in the anomaly but they did take some of your blood.  I’m not exactly sure why, I think they’re trying to find a way to make it like regular blood again and you’re the first person that they’ve had in a long time that has nightblood.  I’ll try to have more information when I come back, I promise.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know I don’t say it, ever, but thank you for everything and I love you for all you do, have done, and will do for my brother and me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of him, myself included.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>See you soon, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Octavia. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy got back to Sanctum and went to where his bedroom was.  Echo found him before he got there, running into him and crushing him in a hug.  She tried to kiss him, but he dodged her efforts.  She pulled back and out of his arms and looked him right in the eye, “Did you find your sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found a lot more than my sister.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took off towards his room, Echo hot on his heels.  She closed the door after she went in and turned to face him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know where to start, Echo.  Or I guess I should call you Ash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She immediately lost all the colour in her face, if Bellamy didn’t know any better he’d think she died, “What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The anomaly works in a funny way, especially where we were.  It showed me a conversation you had with Ryker.  Besides, even if I had any doubt that it was the truth, your reaction just now tells me that I saw things correctly” he watched as she took a couple steps backwards away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not even going to try to deny anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I don’t know what you saw.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you do.  Echo died a long time ago. Her ‘friend’ Ash killed her and then took her name to spy on another clan.  That’s the short version.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seems like you got the majority of it.” her tone was empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why I don’t understand is why you told a complete stranger and you’ve never told me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, I-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cut her off, “What’s even better is that every time we talked about what happened with Octavia on the cliff you told me that you had to do it.  But how I saw it, was you had a chance to get her.  She was on the ground, you could have tied her up then I know it would have been difficult but the opportunity was there.  You let her get up and keep fighting and then pushed your sword through her stomach with a look of pure evil on your face.  Then again, pushing sharp objects through the stomach of people with no remorse is kind of your MO isn’t it?  Does it bring you back to your first kill, when you killed the real Echo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how you know all of this, but it’s clear that you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw it all.  I had to witness it.  You ‘killing’ my sister, you spilling your deepest secret to a stranger.  I realized I don’t really know you.  That combined with the fact that you tried to convince me not to go after my sister proves that you don’t know me.  I guess we never really knew each other.  We just pretended to make ourselves feel better on the Ring.  Part of me thinks that you only gave a shit so I wouldn’t float you.  Heavens knows I thought about it enough the first couple years.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and this has nothing to do with Clarke.” she spit the name at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what, it does.  It has everything to do with her.  She would never try to stop me, she would have gone without me because she loves Octavia and she cares about me.  She’s the one that went with me.  She’s the one that gives a shit.  She’s the one I’ve always loved.  I never denied that.  I made it very obvious.  I just didn’t realize I was still in love with her until she was taken from me, again.  There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.  I realized I thought I loved her after we got back to the ground - loved her like family and that’s why it hurt so bad when she left me in Polis.  I realized I was in love with her still, that I had never really stopped being in love with her, when she died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Echo was still silent, “If you’re honest with yourself, Echo, you’ll admit that you knew this was over before I went into the anomaly because if you don’t know that no matter how shitty my relationship with Octavia is, I’d still always want to protect her then you don’t know me and you don’t love me.  Keep the room, I’ll take my stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made quick work of packing his bag, it was just a single backpack with a couple extra clothes he’d found in Sanctum.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bellamy, wait.” Bellamy stopped before he walked out the door, “You don’t get to just leave, I get to say my piece too.” she looked at him, like she was expecting him to leave before she could continue.  When he didn’t she went on, “Bellamy, you’ve had one foot out of this relationship since the minute you found out Clarke was alive.  That’s not fair to me.  And to be honest, even on the ring when we were stuck up there for six years, Clarke was always first on your mind.  Right from the second that rocket took off, your thoughts revolved around her.  It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> that saved your life when we got up there, sharing my oxygen.  It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you decided to be in a relationship with.  It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> and the rest of our family that helped you on the ring when you were losing it; even when you wouldn’t let me near you I tried my damnedest to be there for you.  To help you out of the darkness.  I opened up to you.  You know that I did.  Clarke left you in Polis to die at the hand of your sister.  And yet you still chose them over me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ve been my family for a long time.  Octavia obviously her entire life because she’s my sister.  Clarke since she told me that I’m not the monster I thought I was.  If you truly cared about me you’d see that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fair to me that you’ve been half invested in this relationship from the very beginning.  I deserve better than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not fair to me that you let me believe that you were honest with me and I knew who you were only to find out that you spilled your deepest and darkest secret to someone you barely knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was going to kill me.  I had to stall him.  How do you know everything I told him wasn’t a lie?” she smirked at him in a condescending way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because when I mentioned the name you lost all your colour.  Guess after all these years the spy has lost her touch.  Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get it back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t like you, Bellamy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He huffed out a laugh, “That’s where you’re wrong.  This is exactly who I am.  Face it, Echo.  You don’t know me and I don’t know you.  I put my walls up when I thought Clarke died because I couldn’t face that kind of pain again.  She’s the only person who’s ever known and understood me.  The </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> person in the world that knows I’d go to the end of the world for Octavia, no matter what.  I don’t know how many times I have to explain that to you.  So if you really need to ask yourself why this relationship ended, your answer is that you don’t care about the most important people in my life and even when Clarke tried to defend you, I saw everything with my own two eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on Bellamy.” she reached for his arm, clearly still trying to have this conversation that he wanted out of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled away from her and grabbed his bag, “Goodbye, Ash.” he said as he closed the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarke woke the next morning and saw Bellamy sound asleep in the cot across from her.  She smiled to herself as she got up and went outside to take in the morning.  She loved sitting out as the sun was rising.  She knew peace when she was on Earth with just Madi, she knew that there was a stillness in the morning that she craved.  Before the day started and got carried away, she would sit and draw or sometimes radio Bellamy.  She borrowed some paper from Gabriel and sat out by the fire pit drawing one of her memories from the Chamber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bellamy came out and sat with her a while later, watching her as she was drawing, trying to peak at her work.  She wouldn’t let him until it was done, but when it was she handed it to him and went back inside the tent.  Bellamy closed his eyes and took a deep breath before looking down at the drawing; it was of them sitting on the hillside watching themselves talk against the tree, a shooting star she added flying across the sky.  She signed the bottom, ‘I know what I’d wish for now.’ CG in her elegant script.  Bellamy ran into the tent behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was standing at the table rearranging the art supplies there when he put the drawing down, he rushed up and spun her around, crashing his lips to hers.  She froze with her hands in the air before her mind gave her a kick and she kissed him back.  She tangled her hands in his hair pulling him down to her to deepen this kiss.  He picked her up as she jumped and wrapped her legs around him and he carried them to her cot.  They kissed with intensity, undressing and exploring each other as they did.  Each time clothes came off lips were exploring the newly exposed skin.  They took their time with each other, until they were completely undressed and everything moved fast from there, their desperation for each other and the fact that this was finally happening taking over.  They came undone in a fury of moans and love.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lay together afterwards deciding to dress before Gabriel comes back and finds them.  Clarke didn’t want to rush things, more than they had already, since Bellamy just ended his relationship.  She also didn’t want him to think that he only wanted her because his relationship had just ended.  They took things slowly and a year after they got back from the anomaly Octavia appeared again, they set up a cot for her in their new tent.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel let them stay with him for as long as they wanted, he enjoyed having the company and he looked forward to when Octavia would visit.  Bellamy looked at him in the menacing big brother way when his eyes would light up at the sight of her, at least the look lasted until Clarke looked at him with disapproval.  He eventually got used to the idea that his friend has a crush on his sister.  Clarke often spent the mornings sitting outside drawing before they would carry on with their days.  Bellamy started collecting the drawings tucking them away in a book that Gabriel gave him.  Madi stayed with Gaia as she was still learning her history.  Clarke wasn’t exactly happy about not having her daughter there with her 24/7 but Madi needed to learn this and Gaia was a great teacher.  Clarke came in every day and spent as much time with them as she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some mornings he would sit out there with her, reading books that Gabriel had from before the bombs fell.  He loved all the old history books Gabriel had with him, some of which he’d stolen from Russell.  It was his favourite time of the day sitting out with Clarke just relaxing before the day took them away to do their different jobs and things that they wanted to get done.  Sometimes when the mornings were colder they would light a fire, and snuggle up together.  Clarke would sit between Bellamy’s legs while she drew; or on the mornings that she woke up still tired, she would curl up with her head in his lap and go back to sleep while he was reading.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day while they were about to get up and get ready for their days, Clarke looked up at Bellamy and said, “Do you ever think about the things we saw in the Chamber?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the time.” he said, closing his book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded, her forehead creased as she was thinking about how to proceed, “Why do you think we chose those places to see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know…” he trailed off, clearly confused as to where she was going with this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean of all the ‘places’ we could have gone and seen and experienced, we chose some really dark ones.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think they were the ones we needed to see, or needed each other to see?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She seemed to let it go but it left Bellamy with a sense of severe unease for the rest of the day.  She stayed away from the camp that day, which he tried not to read too much into.  He got them their dinner ready, he’d really taken up a love of cooking - not that there was much to cook but he loved it anyway.  Clarke always humoured him and told him it was the best thing she’d ever eaten.  Their entire situation was very domestic, he was starting to think it was time that the two of them made a tent of their own.  He just wasn’t sure how to ask. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was still acting strange when she came back from the ‘city’ as they’d taken to calling it, and was quiet all night.  Her behaviour kept up for a couple days and Bellamy didn’t know how to ask her about it.  Their mornings still happened but she was quiet, he felt like he was going to go insane if things didn’t go back to normal soon.  It wasn’t until the fifth day that he finally had to say something.  She was sitting on her cot looking through the book with all the drawings, she had her back to him and he came up sitting behind her stroking her arm with his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarke, what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since that morning you asked about the chamber you’ve been acting weird and I don’t know why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed at the same time that she leaned back into him, “I don’t know either.  I had a nightmare the night before and I couldn’t help but thinking that maybe you were only here out of some sort of weird obligation because you saw how broken I was.  I never wanted you to know about that.  I never mentioned it in any of my radio messages, I was pretty broken; sometimes I kind of feel like I still am.  I just…I wish you didn’t see that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You saw me at one of my darkest moments, did it make you think differently of me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not even a little bit.” she answered without hesitation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why would you think that seeing yours would make me think any less of you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought about that for a moment, “Because it never seems like I do anything right.  No matter what I do I always make the wrong choice and people die or my friends turn against me or think differently of me.  I guess it’s become my new norm and I don’t think I could bear it if you saw me differently.  Or if you looked at me like you did in Polis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clarke, I can’t tell you that I’ve always agreed with your decisions, but I can tell you that nothing will ever change how I see you.  I have loved you since that night against the tree.  Eventually I fell in love with you, lost you, and got you back.  Then I hurt you, and you hurt me; but we dealt with it.  We handled it -”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah because my kid told you I called you on a broken radio every day for six years, you took pity on me.” she nudged her body back into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed at that, “Yeah she did, but Clarke I was always going to forgive you.  You’re the most important person to me.  No matter what; seeing that moment made me love you more, and made my heart hurt because you were hurting so badly and I couldn’t do anything to help you.  I never want to see you feel that way again, and not because of obligation, but because of love.  I love you, Clarke.  I’m in love with you.” he kissed her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with you too, Bellamy.” she turned her head and kissed him then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled away and they rested their foreheads against each other, and he brought her hand up to caress her cheek, “We should move out, build our own cabin or something.  Then Madi can come live with us and you don’t have to pretend you go to the city to work every day.” he laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds perfect.” she kissed him again and he could feel her smiling as she did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that day, Clarke and Bellamy often talked about what they remembered from their time in the Chamber.  Bellamy was helping Clarke deal with everything that she had been through.  She had nightmares often, but having Bellamy there with her made them more bearable.  Bellamy had nightmares too, after seeing what he’d seen with Octavia, Echo, Lincoln, and Clarke in the Chamber.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the first night in their own cabin, Madi tucked into bed and fast asleep, they were smiling at the sight of her sleeping form.  Before they turned in, Bellamy looked over at Clarke and said, “Promise me that this is forever.  I want you forever, Clarke.  I promise to love you forever.  And always.  You’ve always been my family, and this truly feels like exactly where we’re supposed to be.  Our family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise, Bellamy.  I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>How did everyone like the premiere? </p><p>I know we're learning more about the anomaly, but this was kind of a cathartic thing for me to write an deal with things that I wish would have happened.</p><p>Find me on twitter @talesfromwater</p></blockquote></div></div>
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